Change

People change. Of course they do. If coal can turn into diamond after pressure then it can be granted that a man can change over years. Why you ask? Because the pressures of life aren’t easy to dismiss. The success in life can give you momentary happiness but the hurdles you face always shape you up. These successes don’t even matter because you don’t remember them over years to come. The failures matter because they too test you. Nasty little things. The origin of temporary dips in the blood pressure and the reason for your smile to vanish. But would you care after a while? No, you probably wouldn’t. These little stings in your shield of confidence shouldn’t matter but what happens when your shield has taken enough? When the small pressure in your chest becomes too much to handle? This is where people change.

Some give up on life. Some handle them beautifully and come out riding winged horses. But the worst is when they become numb. When the coldness, which was in the little chamber of your heart, spreads out like wildfire and you forget to feel. When you realize that what you consider your 100 isn’t even a 10 to some, that’s when you change. You had stopped caring a little to what they say but now it completely doesn’t matter. It starts with a small hurt, as small as a prick of a pin but it grows into the pain of a sword through the heart. It becomes only worse when the sword is in the hands of people who are supposed to love you. That’s when you change.

When emotions become drama and you turn into a puppet. When people’s feelings are crumpled bits of paper and yours? They don’t even exist. Now what does it matter if the same people become suddenly kind to you and there’s this shower of love? When they realize they are looking in a mirror that has cracks? You are already broken and the love isn’t strong enough to put you back. Maybe temporary. Maybe for a while you will relish in the warm glow and realize how wrong you’ve been thinking. But then again the sword is picked up and stabbed. That’s when you change.

Your armor becomes thick until no one can break it down. You become the master of drama and the pretend play you do everyday becomes your reality. You’re now strong, sadly, pitifully and desolately strong. Your smile is you weapon and your vulnerability and overthinking, even thinking, becomes a thing of the past. People’s promises and attempt to please fail miserably because you’ve seen the worst of them and that too directed towards you. That’s when you change. But I hope you never do.